i don’t know what i am writing

I am tired. I need to drink a little alcohol to relax myself.
I sometimes want to smoke a cigarette when I am dizzy.
Those who call them my friends and well wishers, suggest me that I must go to prostitutes.
I want to take a leave from my job for sometime.
Sometimes my normal physical needs make me restless and I start looking for some quick relaxing sources.
But I can’t.
It is all wrong.
I can not do all these things just to relax myself because my purpose is bigger.
Above all, no purpose is ‘my’ purpose but it is God’s purpose.
God never suggests drowning in wine. He is never okay with his sons indulged in fornication or adultery.
He wants us to believe in him and his word. And one day he will relax us.
He will one day relax me.
I don’t know why am I writing all this garbage? It doesn’t even look like a blog to be read.
What do I want by writing this ? May be little sympathy !
Or do I want someone other to ensure me that God will help me one day and that day all my pains and hurts will be gone ?
Or do I not believe God ?
I don’t know why am I writing this.
But if I didn’t believe God I would have given up by now.
I am restless and tired. Its 5:25 pm. I am going to sleep.
I am not rechecking it before publishing. Okay !!
I am just going to sleep.
And listen I do not have any human friend to sit with me so I am going to sleep.

16 thoughts on “i don’t know what i am writing

  1. You are doing great, Vikas! I am so proud of you! God is always with us, my brother!

    The following film helps us stand firm in front of unbelievers.
    Click the subtitles button as soon as you start watching.

    With warmest prayers, Leon

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks leon. Last night I was embarrassed by my surrounding situations which are always telling me to give up but I can’t.
      People my call it mood swing, depression or psychological disorder but some times I feel like I shout aloud and ask someone what to do. I am going to watch this video u linked. Thanks a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Vikas my friend, of course you can’t and you won’t give up. I feel your deepest heart and I know you will stay unshaken in your faith. Those people are lost because they have not felt God’s grace yet. They see pathology and imperfection all around them, trying to feel better about themselves. Let us be praying for them too; silently. We will not be shaken!
        Do not forget the subtitles button.
        I thank You.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Vikas I am so happy that you realize the things your “friends” around you are telling you to do are not pleasing to God. You realized already yourself, that only God will comfort you and support you and counsel you as you require. I have heard it said a million times and I firmly believe it: we all have a God-shaped hole in our heart that many try to fill with alcohol, sex, work, money whatever it is. But there is only one thing that will fill that hole, and it’s God. May you rest in His peace that surpasses ALL understanding, no matter your circumstances around You, He invites you to curl up into His lap – the lap of your good Father, and allow him to bring you peace….Many prayers and blessings Vikas!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

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