I am afraid; I am full of hope.

I am afraid. I tremble in fear and pain. I close my eyes, remember God. God says, “I am watching you. I know what is going in your heart. I will give you what you want but it needs sacrifices.”

I say I do every sacrifice.

God says, “from now you will be sleepless. Bad dreams always haunt you. But you have to understand that these are dreams. Bad thoughts will brake you. You have to stay firm.”

I say I do. God says, “you have to have patience what ever happens.”

I say I already have made up my mind.

God says, “your heart will not be in your control.” I say, “it will have to be.”

God says, “you will work in the days with half heartedness with a feeling of being dead.”

I say I do accept.

Then again God says, “besides all these you will have to have a faith in me.”

I say, “I always had.”
Then God picks me up in his arms. He is caressing my head. He is embracing me like he is my mother. I am sleeping in his arms with an unbreakable belief that God is with me. He is watching me. He understands my pain and he will give me my stuff. He will. I know he will.

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