Some times people ask why the doors of my room are always shut ?
I do not answer them and just deviate the conversation to some other topic.
I do not answer them because they do not understand what I say to them.
But it is always sure that my doors are closed. Some times it even looks silly to me myself but I can not let the doors open as it will no more be my room if the doors left opened.
Yes I always keep them closed and I love my room. While I was in my college life, I hired a room on a monthly rent which was at some 10-15 minutes distance from my college. There I often bunked my classes when I felt sleepy in chemistry lectures.
I would do nothing but come to my room then doors shut. I kept my room dark even in the night when I was not sleeping. That closed room, that dark room was always like the outer space for me where there was no restriction of earth’s gravity keeping me on the ground, no winds hindering my pace while I walked or ran through my imaginations, almost no restriction and I practically could flow from one end of the space to the other.
That dark room always served me the best quality canvas to draw my future and cutting me from the outer world. That was a time when my imaginations of my future dominated my real life.
Now its me when I am a working man or boy (as I am just 27 ..laugh..) living in my parent’s house and that I still keep my room closed most of the time. Now no more imaginations of my future do exist in my day dreams but now this room of mine serves a perfect place for me to live in without any interruptions or disturbances.
I often take short walks in my room from one corner to another when I am nervous. I pull my hairs when desperate. I cry vigorously by putting piece of clothes in my mouth so that my voice does not cross my room. I knock my head against its walls when angry. I pray to God when hope diminishes. All because my room closed. My room always remind me that I can not lose when I see the slogans and encouraging sentences written on the three walls of my room. When no one is watching me crying, desperate, scared, angry, broken it is my room which keeps with me. It encourages me, it wipes my eyes, it hugs me as a true friend and it keeps a watch on me. It never lets me lie down. Or it picks me up when I stumble in life. It’s my second best friend.
It reminds me that I can laugh and overcome my sorrows and it encourages me again and again to keep moving.
It is my room that keeps me alive.